Roger begins to release photos of himself to the local media for extra cash, prompting the CIA to initiate an Alien Task Force. Through a twist of fate, Roger ends up in charge of the task force in disguise, creating tension at home as he is now Stan’s boss. Meanwhile, Francine comes to grips with being left-handed and Roger frames Stan as an alien in attempt to keep his identity a secret.
Stan goes in search of a former KGB agent, Sergei, and is shocked to find that the man is his new next-door neighbor and that Sergei has already turned Steve into a communist. Meanwhile, Roger and Klaus head to France for a little R&R but their trip takes a turn for the worse when Klaus gets busted for drug smuggling.
Francine pushes Stan to open up to her emotionally, but she gets more than she bargained for when he tells her that he killed her best friend Julie’s husband. Meanwhile, Roger plays psychiatrist to help them work through their issues.
When Stan’s mom gets dumped for the umpteenth time by a boyfriend, she comes running to Stan for support. Feeling threatened by her always-visiting mother-in-law, Francine is determined to cut Stan’s umbilical cord and figure out what keeps going wrong with the men in her life. Like a regular Cagney & Lacey, Francine and Roger go undercover to solve the case. Meanwhile, Klaus gives Steve the ick.
Stan and the family are characters in a James Bond style spoof. Stan must stop Tearjerker, played by Roger, a diabolical film producer who makes movies that can kill. Tearjerker’s fiendish plot involves abducting celebrities from his spa and replacing them with celebrity robots that make horrible movies, all in an effort to make his masterpiece “Oscar’s Gold” the best and saddest movie ever, causing millions of moviegoers to cry themselves to death.
After a big fight between Stan and Roger, Francine comes up with a plan to try and reunite the pair. Hoping to show Roger that Stan still cares about him, Francine fakes Roger’s kidnapping, but when Stan never shows up to pay the ransom, it forces Roger to rethink the way he treats people.
After Stan comes home from another dangerous mission, he finds that his family has decked the halls with boughs of holly and donned themselves with gay apparel, but just not to his satisfaction. He demands a grander Christmas starting with the search of a bigger and better tree in the forest. When his family has had enough, Stan powers on by himself, finds the perfect tree and meets an untimely end. While in Limbo, he has to fight for a second chance at life and battle the forces of good and evil to save his family.
When Francine decides to be a surrogate for her gay neighbors Terry and Greg, Stan’s Republican blood boils. Although he pretends to be happy, when the baby is born, Stan kidnaps her and heads to the Nebraska boarder, where gay couples have no rights. Meanwhile Steve and Roger pull a Howard Hughes and become reclusive after they think Klaus is out to get them.
While playing poker with the guys, Stan is found to be a virgin. Not in the traditional way, but in that he’s never killed anyone. Roger and the guys help Stan bust his killing cherry.
When Hayley decides to move to France because of imperialistic oppression, Stan will do anything to stop her including revealing the fact that she was brainwashed as a child by the CIA. Feeling desperate, Stan activates her trigger word and gains control over Hayley against the advice of his boss, Bullock. Everything is going fine until Stan remembers that if he doesn’t change Hayley back to normal, there will be deadly consequences for him. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger become private Dick Tracys.
When Francine’s adopted parents stop by for an unannounced stay, Stan is furious that they refuse to assimilate to his “man of the house” ways. After he unsuccessfully tries to give them the boot, he is convinced that finding Francine’s birth parents will change things. Meanwhile, Steve tries to live to the extreme in order to get to second base with the class hottie.
Stan prays for a friend and thinks God sent him one, but he turns out to be an atheist. Stan tries to convince his friend that God exists by making his life extremely hard until his plan backfires. Meanwhile, Roger convinces Steve that he has been accepted to Hogwarts.
In order to be taken more seriously and to be a somebody, Stan becomes a meter maid who seems to have all of the power. Now he’s getting the best tables at restaurants, pocketing quarters from meters and impressing Francine with his prowess. But, when Turlington from Parking Internal Affairs pays him a visit, Stan realizes crime and this lifestyle don’t pay. Meanwhile, Hayley poses nude for a college art class and is surprised to see Roger there.
When Francine discovers that all of their family vacations have been artificially created memories, she gets very angry and demands a real vacation. However, when the vacation seems too good to be true, Francine is convinced it’s the work of the CIA and causes the family to suffer the consequences. Meanwhile, Roger attempts to become the greatest actor who ever lived.
After Stan discovers that Francine has a secret sex garden, he feels like their marriage may be crumbling. Looking to rekindle their romance, Francine asks for a divorce so that Stan can experience life as a bachelor again, and both learn a valuable lesson in love. Meanwhile, addicted to an energy drink, Steve finds himself panhandling in the streets to support his new habit.
Stan sets Bullock up on a date with one of Francine’s friends. Fearing that Francine will be right about the outcome of the date, Stan goes to great lengths to make sure it goes well by getting everyone drunk. Unfortunately, Bullock accidentally kills the woman, to which Stan frames Francine for the murder in order to keep her from asking so many questions.
Stan arrives late to a CIA nuclear drill and thinks it’s real. He decides to move the family into the mountains to survive the apocalypse. Even though he realizes his error, he begins to enjoy the attention that he gets from the family so much that he doesn’t tell them the truth. However, when the family meets a mountain man and learns the truth, Stan has some explaining to do.
While researching a paper about George Washington Carver in celebration of Black History Month, Steve uncovers a conspiracy that’s been going on since the Civil War. When the curator of the Smithsonian Peanut Museum reaches out to tell Steve the truth, he’s mysteriously murdered, and Steve and Stan are tracked by a secret society that will stop at nothing to keep this scandalous secret of American history.
When Roger is rejected by Steve, who seems to be over him, Roger heads out in search of a new human companion. But when this new friend starts to abuse Roger and the relationship turns into a lot of excuses and sorry’s, Steve and Hayley scheme to get Roger out of the bad relationship and back home where he belongs. Meanwhile, Stan tours the Mr. Pibb factory and meets the man himself.
When Stan feels like he’s not climbing the ladder fast enough at work, he turns to his lifelong ambition of making festive teddy bears. However, when he realizes that making a quick profit takes a lot of work, he resorts to using illegal aliens as cheap labor. Meanwhile, Hayley sees her father’s new business model as an atrocity and takes matters into her own hands by calling Uncle Sam.
When Stan enters an essay contest to have his personal hero, President Bush, come over for dinner, he is overcome with joy when the President arrives at his doorstep. However, not everyone in the Smith family shares Stan’s excitement. Hayley tries to drill President Bush on the Iraq war, and Steve and Roger attempt to convince him that they’ve found Osama Bin Laden, but instead get him drunk. Stan tries to save the President from public humiliation, while Hayley revels in his fall from glory.
When an injunction prevents Langley Falls from lighting their annual Christmas tree, Stan blames secular non-believers for ruining his favorite holiday. With Stan’s holiday spirit at an all-time low, the Ghost of Christmas Past visits him and tries to show him the true meaning of Christmas. However, Stan is convinced that Christmas can be saved by changing the outcome of Vietnam, but finds that changing the past only dramatically changes the future.
When Roger helps Steve see that his father isn’t as smart as he always believed, the power-hungry pair set their sights on fame and fortune in New York City. It doesn’t take long for Roger to lose everything on Wall Street, and Steve contemplates prostitution after Jon Stewart shoots down his comedy routine. Meanwhile, the rest of the family is certain that the two have just run away to the tree house, so when it explodes in a lightning storm, they are devastated, but console themselves with Steve’s college fund.
When Francine discovers Stan’s secret, decades-old passion for competitive figure skating, she decides to be supportive and becomes his pairs partner until Stan’s competitive nature gets the best of him and he ditches her for a new partner. Meanwhile, Steve’s classmate Snot finds new respect among his peers when he parades his mail-order bride around the playground.
When Steve’s new relationship with his girlfriend gives Francine empty nest syndrome, she tries to convince Stan to have another baby. Meanwhile, Roger tries to enroll in college with Haley in order to experience college life, but while Roger ends up teaching the class, Haley finds a new crush in her classmate Ethan (Elijah Woods), who turns out to be far from normal.
After Francine tells Stan she’s looking for excitement in their marriage, Stan gets in the driver’s seat and becomes involved in drag racing to spice things up. Meanwhile, Hayley breaks up with her boyfriend, Jeff, who is emotionally crushed until he joins Steve’s world of online gaming. When Hayley finds out, she tries to sabotage their fun.
Stan has his heart set on speaking at the Republican National Convention on behalf of the Langley chapter, but when they pass him up for another candidate, he accepts the only endorsement he gets from the local chapter of Gay Republicans. While the people around him disapprove of his new lifestyle choice, Stan decides to follow his heart to speak on their behalf.
Stan loses his confidence, and his job, when a car salesman gets the best of him in a negotiation. Meanwhile, Roger and Steve set up a makeshift drive-in to try to get to first base with popular schoolgirls.
Stan realizes his own weight problem after he criticizes Steve about his new, overweight girlfriend, so he goes overboard with exercising, and develops anorexia. Steve realizes that his overweight girlfriend is the root of his father’s problems, and he has to make a hard choice in an effort to save his father’s life.
When Stan tries to trick Steve into attending summer camp, things go horribly wrong and Steve ends up in a refugee camp. However, Stan, being the eternal optimist, joins Steve and manages to stage a camp Olympics between the refugees and the rebel faction living across the river.